Been a while.

Ready for some melancholic and self-unappreciative words? Fire away, Cap'n!

I hate myself. I hate my life. I hate what I've become. I hate what I've been. I hate what I will be.

I'm a burnout. There's no way around it. There's no way to butter it up. I'm a waste of space. I've done nothing with my life. I honestly don't see myself doing anything with it either.
I'm 26 years old. At least I can say I've graduated high school with a diploma, and in due time. I've been through one year of college at Carroll College (now University). While it was a fun year, it was a worthless year. I have exactly zero transferable credits. I do, however, have a bond with a few fraternity brothers after I lasted through the tough pledging process. I know 99% of them don't give a shit about me, but a couple do, and those are the ones I still talk to. They're basically just good people I view as friends. Had it not been for pledging, I wouldn't have met them, so I guess I'm thankful for that. Still, none of them would take a bullet for me. I'm just a name, a picture, a story.
But alas, I'm still 26 years old and completely worthless. Okay, maybe not completely. But damn close. I've been single for over three years, so I've got nothing to strive for in the relationship department. I've had three legit relationships. None have lasted more than four months. Two have ended with the "she" part cheating on the "he" part. Not only do I not have success with dating, but it doesn't even seem like it's worth my time. And as invaluable as my time is, I like to think it's even just a little bit valuable. No woman has ever made that time more than just a little bit valuable. As each day passes, I become more and more convinced that the day where a woman can make my time valuable, will never come. I've essentially accepted this. It'll never happen, and I know it. I'm going to be Aunt Pat, except somewhat sociable. But I'll still have the stupid, bullshit stories no one cares about, and I'll ramble on and on, just like I do here in this blog that an entire three people read and don't even give a shit about.
My twin brother left me again to go back to his desolate and unfulfilling life out West. He needs himself some better surroundings, and I hope he takes advantage of the opportunities put forth in front of him. I miss him terribly, but he's supposed to be pursuing his dream, and I hope he pursues and catches that dream. After all, that's why he's out there.
You know, my mom told me I should be my twin brother's motivator. I should be the one to get on his ass about pursuing his dream. And, in turn, he should be my kick-in-the-ass, my motivator. But there's a glaring difference: I won't purse whatever half-assed dream I come up with. We all know it just as sure as we know Paris Hilton is a whore. So my job is to push my twin brother to do what he's set out to do. His job is to push me to do what I'll never do. And what I'll never do is be successful.
See, I'm the smart one in my family. I have the highest IQ. I have the highest test results of any kind. I'm the most knowledgeable and the most intelligent in general. You know what that makes me? The biggest failure. If nobody expects anything from you, you can't let anybody down. But when you've got the best brain in the family, you're expected to be great. All I am is a great disappointment.
I barely graduated high school. I got into the only college I applied to: Carroll College (Carroll University now). I went to Carroll, pursuing a degree in Graphic Communications. I flunked out after a year of hardcore partying. It was a very fun and unproductive year.
After I threw more than $20k down the drain in nine months, I came back home and continued to be a failure, working a low-income job at McDonald's. Not much has changed since 2004. I'm still working a low-income, dead-end job. I have a meniscus tear (I think) in my right knee which I can't even get checked out because I not only don't have insurance, but I haven't the money also. I should have graduated college in 2007 with a bachelor's degree and had a job at Quad Graphics. But instead, it's 2011, and I'm working a job where there's no room to advance or be promoted. I'm at a dead end, and there's plenty I can do about it. But we all know I won't do anything. Why? Because I'm Christopher fucking Lukas, and I'm a fucking burnout who has little will remaining and doesn't give a shit if anyone wants to lend some, because I won't take it.

So there you have it. Me, in a nutshell. Glorious, isn't it?